Training Your Cat in Two Easy Lessons By Dr. Wu Tao-Wei No matter how dumb a cat is, it will usually outsmart most people. It's so cute when it meows! You just want to give it a pat or a hug or a belly rub! This costs nothing except for your freedom from feline wiles. Because of their Zen-like awareness and sensitivity to the smallest sounds and sights in their immediate vicinity, they have a certain mystique of appearing to be intelligent. Oh, a cat can sit for hours with ears alert and eyes keen awaiting his opportunity at a mouse hole, but to wait even two seconds for you to explain why it should behave, is not something that is interesting to a cat. They will squirm away like children or run away like juvenile delinquents and hide. Anyone who has ever tried to teach anything to a cat, knows that even the smartest cat is obstinate. That is, the cat will insist on having things its own way, whether you like it or not. No, a cat is not smart but it certainly is clever. It immediately realizes that a meow equals a human caressing it and feeding it. Cats like humans to pet them and feed them, so they meow until you are either their servant or you assert your mastery. To become a master of your cat rather than being your cat's servant, is not a great feat if you know a few simple tactics. But not to know these tricks is to be absolutely meowed to death. And so, you really only have two choices if you are a cat owner. I say that you only have two choices IF you want to be a cat owner rather than a cat servant. Most people who keep cats are really not owners but are merely servants. When the cat meows, they feed it, or let it out or in, or scratch it behind the ears or give it a belly rub. This is because the cat has learned that whenever it meows demanding attention, its very own human is there to feed and pleasure it. So, by meowing, the cat teaches the human how to behave for its feline satisfaction. Even if you are already the slave to the whims of your cat, you can use these methods for once again becoming the master rather than the servant. It is always best to begin training while they are still kittens. But even old cats are easy to train if you use the following methods. Happy cat owners know that if your cat only knows two things then you will live together harmoniously. And so, if you can teach your cat to come when it's called and to run like hell when it's caught being naughty, then you have won the battle. To teach a cat to show up when you call it, requires a simple application of Pavlovian conditioning. You want the cat to associate two pleasant experiences at the same time. In this case, make clicking sounds or kissing sounds with your lips as you pet your cat. Make the same clicking sounds during feeding time. The clicking sounds are the same sounds that you make whenever you want to call your cat. By making these sounds whenever you are feeding or petting your cat, the cat equates these sounds in its tiny, little brain with something nice. You want the cat to hear these sounds and to actually WANT to be around you for the expected treat. If you make these sounds consistently during feeding or petting, soon the cat will come running to you whenever you click your tongue or smack your lips. To have your cat come running when you call it, is only the first step in training your cat to be a well-behaved cat. So, how do you make it INSTANTLY stop doing naughty things like clawing the furnature or constantly meowing or running around acting crazy? For this, you need to talk a bit of cat language. Cats that are annoyed or are frightened, tend to hiss. So, when you hiss at your cat, it already understands that there is a problem. But to really let the cat know that you are serious and not merely practicing from a Berlitz Cat Language lesson tape, you need to get the cat to associate your hissing with something unpleasant. Now do not mistake this for cruelty because, after all, a cat is a cruel master for a human. If we do not resist its cute little meows, we become the well-trained servant of the cat, doing its bidding for giving it pats and treats until that cat meows you to death. So, here is what to do. To hiss-train your cat, time your hisses with shooting it with a rubber band. Or hiss and throw some water on it. Or toss a pebble or rock at it. And the instant the rock or rubber band or water hits, hiss loudly. It won't take long before your hisses will have that cat running in alarm even without hitting it with anything. By hiss-training your cat in this way, you will be able to out-talk it. When it meows, and you reply with a hiss, it soon learns to shut up when you want it to be quiet. To click-train and hiss-train a cat requires very little effort. And once they understand that you are serious when you hiss or click at them, then you can potty train them easily. All that you need is consistency, repetition and every so often more repetition so that their little brains don't forget what you are talking about when you hiss at them or cluck your tongue. My neighbors are amazed when I cluck my tongue or make kissing sounds with my lips and all of my cats immediately come running. Or if I hiss at a naughty one, they all instantly stop what they are doing and vanish. I like my cats and my cats like me. They earn their keep by catching rats and mice, so they are useful to me. I feed them and pet them, so I am useful to them. We get along just fine. But my wife is another story altogether. If only wives were as easy to train as cats! She doesn't come running when I call her and if I yell at her, she yells back and then keeps on yelling! I hate to think what she would do if I hissed at her and hit her with a rock! I am sure the results would be most unpleasant. Life just isn't fair! ---------------------------------------------------------- Second Publication Rights Granted as long as the following is credited: First Published in the Chinese Swaztika Newsletter, for free subscription send blank eMail to: